endings

it’s funny how you can want something so badly but when it finally arrives, you can’t help but wish it wasn’t time yet.

this semester has been the craziest, busiest, most difficult and trying semester I have experienced. the stress of homework, the insecurity that comes from being at such an incredible university, the heartache of being away from family, the desire to be better but not knowing how…I can’t count the amount of times I cried and begged for it to be made easier— or better yet, for it just to end.

in the past two days I got approximately 5 hours of sleep total, took 4 finals, and studied for more hours than I ever want to for a long time. I stressed and cried more than I care to admit. I pleaded with my Father in Heaven to just end it right now because I could not go on. I wanted nothing more than to just fast forward to a different part of my life—or even just to august so I could see my family again. anything seemed better than how I felt. (disclaimer: looking back this seems very melodramatic, but man, finals are rough.)

and now, here I am, my classes over and finals all done, on the last sunday of the semester. and I cried. again. not tears of frustration or anger, but bitter-sweet tears. this semester (and really fall semester too) has been such a blessing to me. I have never learned so much about myself, how to live with other people, how to balance a job and classes, the world, and the gospel. I learned what I want to do with my life. I learned what kind of person I want to be, and who I want to associate with. but most of all, this semester I deepened my relationship with my Jesus. my brother. my best friend. my Savior. 

in summary: this semester has sucked. a lot. but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I can’t express how much I’m going to miss the laughs with my roommates because it’s 2 in the morning and everything is funny, the crying sessions because life is hard, the good-clean-fun with the amazing people in my ward, the last-minute study sessions because crap there was a test today?, the ice cream runs because why not, and most of all the love I have felt from everyone around me this semester.

endings are hard. but that’s because we are not made for endings. we are “made of the stuff of eternity”. inherently, we know there is more to life than the right now, the immediate. “endings are not our destiny.

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